Stop the pressure

Have you ever noticed that when a young woman (mostly black African) reaches a certain age where she is still not married or let alone in a romantic relationship, people (mostly Parents, aunties and so called extended “friends” and family members) start to pressure her indirectly (especially when she is from an African background)? “Where is your husband or at least your boyfriend? Why are you still single? All your mates are married with one, two or even three children or are at least in a relationship; what about you?” And the list goes on.

But they forget that growing up as a girl, some of us where thought to a) only read our books, b) only write As and c) only become a lawyer or a doctor. Boys were nowhere to be found in our parents’ vocabulary. But when one reaches a certain age in their twenties, they expect them to suddenly be married, have a job and at least two kids all at the same time. How? When? Where? This logic has to stop!

Don’t get me wrong; I understand that it all comes from a place of love and that some of our parents want the best for us. But must it all be in our twenties? When am I supposed to discover myself and figure out what type of woman, I want to become one day? When am I supposed to work on myself? When am I supposed to make mistakes or experiences that lead to my self-improvement? When am I allow to live? Aren’t the twenties supposed to be a phase of self-discovery and growth?

I Know that there are so many young women out there who feel pressured to get that degree before time, so that they can get married and have it all together at 27, that they forget what life is really about. Life is for the living. Its for those who are aware that they are alive and can enjoy each and every bit of it without overthinking about whether they’ll make it or not. It’s for those who trust in God’s timing and don’t feel the need to get there before time. Everybody’s journey of life is different, just because we were born on the same day, at the same time, in the same hospital and by maybe the same doctor, doesn’t mean that our destinies are not the same.

And if by any chance you are a parent and you are reading this, cut your children (especially your girls) some slacks. In case you didn’t know, most of the things some of us do, are not necessary because we want to do them, but its because we feel obligated to do them to make you proud and happy. So, stop pressuring us (women) to have it all together before God’s time; cause the world is already pressuring us in other areas of our lives. We need your support.

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